It's Been a While

Hey everyone!

It's been a while! Thought you might be ready for an update.

I am officially slowing down from doctor visits. I had another colonoscopy and EGD (that was a new one) a little while ago. They found that I have stomach ulcers as well as (they think) IBS. So that's what I'm living with as of now. They still have no idea what caused the ischemic colitis, but they cannot find an answer. So we are just hoping it doesn't ever come back. I'm now only seeing doctors every 3 months, which is nice. It's better than every week.

I swear I had no idea what over half of the tests I had were. I have definitely had my medical brain expand! It is all very facinating on what they can do and how they do it and what they can find. It may not all be pleasant for the patient, but it is still incredible.

                                                        What I Have Been Doing:

I have been living with the most amazing family for the past few months (since July) and it has been so wonderful. I've been living as basically a live-in nanny to their two beautiful children and have loved every minute of it. Even though they may be a little crazy or drive me to exhaustion, I love it! They call me their "mother in training" and I feel the Lord placed me into their home for so many reasons, including that. They have helped me with my recovery and my return to home. Even though I was only out for a month, that is still a big transition to go from being out and focused 100% on the Lord and on other people to being focused on yourself again. This family has helped me so much. I feel that I am going to be a better mother because of them as well. I look up to this family so much in regards to basically every aspect of life, especially parenthood. They teach me that you don't need to be perfect, you just need to love the crap out of those kids of yours and how to draw boundaries and what to do when they are crossed, and how to do all of it with love in your heart, eyes, and hands. Because of this family and because of the Lord, I am here and doing better.

I have spent some time in California dog sitting for a family member. I was a little worried about being in a different state all by myself, but it has been such an incredible experience for me. I've had to learn how to take care of myself without the help of anyone else, because there literally is no one else. I don't know anyone in the area, my family is all over the country, and I have myself only. I have had to cook ALL of my meals and put all of the responsibility on myself to do things. I have had to clean all of the dishes, walk the dogs, make my bed, clean the bathroom, etc. all by myself. I have become self-reliant and have learned even more that I can do hard things. I have learned that I MAKE MY OWN HAPPINESS. I am really good at relying on others to make me happy, but that is not healthy nor practical.
Just yesterday I took myself on a bike ride into San Francisco and went around the city and biked all over, including an 11 mile trek to and from the Golden Gate Bridge. That shouldn't have been too hard, but considering recent events, I have not been as active as I would like to have been. That trek seemed symbolic to me because about half way I wanted to quit. I kept thinking about the trek back, and how badly I didn't want to continue. I thought about how tired I was and how exhuasted I would become if I continued. But I did. I kept going, I went up those hills, even though I had to walk some. While I was walking up those hills I felt a little discouraged and down on myself because I felt like I should have been able to bike those like some of the other people (including a very large old man), but I kept my focus on my destination. I biked to the bridge. I biked across the bridge. I couldn't stop laughing because I was just exuberant that I had made it. I looked back and saw where I had started and how far I had come and what I had to do to get there. The way back didn't even seem too hard. I was just so proud of that accomplishment, which leads me to my next point.

I have been struggling hard core with depression. This isn't always something that I would announce, but I'm hoping that my words will help someone else who is struggling. I realized that you cannot help unless you speak. While I was in the MTC, President Holland came and gave a devotional with the main message of "OPEN YOUR MOUTH". I have taken that to mean in everything, not just the gospel. How can I help someone if I don't open my mouth. So, here you go President Holland.

Depression sucks. And that is one of the main things I have been struggling with since I have been home. I finally feel like I am getting a grasp on everything again, but there are still hard days. I went into some really hard moments where I couldn't do anything but lie in bed and just wait for the day to be over. I had dark thoughts, including thoughts about ending my life. Obviously I didn't because I'm here writing this post, and I won't, but it was something that was really hard on me.
That journey I took to the Golden Gate Bridge, I feel, was symbolic of this struggle in life. I feel like I have reached this halfway point where I think there is no way I can continue. I feel I am too tired and I have no energy left in me. Those hills are too tall and steep and I can not make it. But I realized I don't need to take it at full speed, I can take it slow and walk up instead of bike up. I might see people passing me, but that is because that isn't their trial. Their challenge might be coming up ahead. I cannot judge myself based on others because we are all in different stages of life. I need to focus on myself and my ability to push past what I think I can do. I need to focus on where I am going to. And I know that when I reach that final destination, I can look back and see all of the hills I had to climb and how far I had to come, and realize that I HAD DONE IT. And I can do more.

                                                                What's Next:

I will be moving into Carriage Cove Apartments the beginning of December. I will have three roommates and many others in the complex. I am excited to see what else I learn and how I will grow from this experience.

I will start school in January. I'll be starting my senior year of the community health program at Utah Valley University and will graduate next December.

I plan to use this blog to blog moments and other things, and I am going to keep the same title because if I wasn't ever an Hermana, I don't think I'd ever be in these situations. I never would have moved in with this wonderful family. I don't think I'd be here in California having mind-opening experiences. I am not sure if I would have moved out. I would not have these growing moments if I didn't have that Hermana in front of my name for that short month. And while I may not still wear the badge, I can still be a missionary in all things. And that's what I plan to do.

With all my love,
Taylor

Mission and Doctor Update

Hey everyone,

I first wanted to get on here and say thank you. You all have been so helpful in this process and part of my life. I am so grateful for all that you have done. Thank you for your support, both with physical items or with emotional/spiritual support. Thank you for your guidance. Thank you for your words of wisdom. Thank you for your friendship.

I want to give you an update. I have been talking extensively with doctors since I have been home. They still have not figured out exactly what is wrong. I've done a few more tests, and have a few more tests yet to do. What they have decided is that I do not have a blood disorder, my organs are not being suffocated, and I do not have celiac disease. They are unsure if there is anything to find, but they are curious. We know what happened, we just want to know why and how to prevent it from happening again. Included in my discussions with doctors, we have talked about the option for me to go back on a mission. I am being encouraged to stay home, at least for the time being. The doctors are worried that if I go back, I will be right back home again. Whether it be for my anxiety or for my health, they think if I go back, my health won't be great again. I have been receiving emails from a friend on her mission, and she was telling her email list about her companion who was just recently sent home as well. As I have been reading these emails, I have realized that if I am not in my best health, both physically and mentally, I will be slowing the work and not being at my best ability to help and serve others. I would be making it hard on my companions and on my mission president and on all the ward members, investigators, and anyone else. I have prayed so so so hard about all of this and just feel that right now is not the right time for me to go back. Maybe I will go back in a year. Or maybe I'll get married. Who knows? All I know is that I am relying on the Lord and letting him direct my path. I will be re-entering school in January and am currently looking for jobs and once I have a job I will look for an apartment.

This has been an incredibly hard decision for me to make, and to be totally honest, I am still struggling with it. It is hard to make the decision to go on a mission, to prepare for that mission, be a missionary, then just come right back home to normal life and hope you find your way. It really is hard. And I wish I could be a missionary still and I struggle with the idea that I might not be again. But what I realized is that I can be a missionary everyday no matter where I am. And that is what I will do.

Thank you all for your donations and gifts and for all of your support. I am eternally grateful for you. I am so grateful for that month that I had to be a missionary, and I am grateful that I have a chance to grow and develop some more. I know the Lord has a plan and I know he will direct us in whichever way we are to go. I know the Lord's hand is in my life right now and I know that He loves me so much.

Thank you again everyone, I cannot say that enough.

With all of my love,
Taylor

Update #3

I had my second appointment with Dr. Midgley today. We discussed my little improvement, and she said that she was pretty bummed that I'm not feeling all the way better, but it also doesn't surprise her because she expected that it would take a little while to heal. We were discussing a few other conditions that I am having, and she wanted to do an EKG to ensure that my heart is functioning properly. I did the EKG, and everything looks totally normal, so my heart at least is healthy and strong. I also did the hypercoaguable workup (the blood test to see if it really is a blood disorder) today and will receive the results from that soon enough. My MRI results were good. Most of my arteries looked good, there were a couple that seemed to have a few problems, so they are watching those, but overall, it was good. Dr. Midgley did take away the timeline, she is no longer quite sure how long until I am feeling better and how long until she can give me the "okay" but she is certain that I will be okay soon enough.

The thing I like most about Dr. Midgley is she is very smart and also very thorough. I do not feel that anything is being overlooked or brushed off. She is considering all things and is very smart and quick on her feet. Other considerations are being made, and all posibilities are currently being investigated. I am seriously in love with her. I wish she would live and be a doctor until I die so I never have to find a new doctor in my whole life.

I am learning that the Lord gives us challenges, not to show us His power and how He can fix anything and take us out of the situation, but so that we can learn what He needs us to learn at that particular time in our life. I'm not gonna lie, this has been a heck of a challenge for me, and it kind of sucks. But you know what? It is okay because the Lord KNOWS us. He knows us each individually and wants to help us. We just need to reach out to Him first and show Him our faith and trust. I am learning that life is hard, and it can sometimes feel like crap, and there are times where ou feel so down and overwhelmed with life that all you want to do is crawl back into bed and just lie there for the whole day. And those days are okay! You need to allow yourself to have the feelings that you are experiencing, but you also need to activate your faith and do something about whatever is bringing you down.

Oh, how strong is my testimony of this Gospel. How grateful am I to be a part of this church and to have the knowledge that I have about our Savior, His Atonement, and everything about our Gospel. Seriously. It is the best and I could not imagine my life without all the joy and peace the Gospel brings me. Stay strong everyone. Do those things every day that they teach you in Primary, because they are the most important and they work! Pray multiple times every day and with a sincere heart. Read your scriptures with the intent of learning, not just to say you read. Go to the temple and church with an open heart and mind. Do all those "primary answers" and the Lord will be more readily willing to bless you. It is true, I can testify of that.

Update #2

I met with the GI doctor on Friday (June 19). This doctor was so funny, he kept saying again and again that this is not something young and healthy people have, so he was so confused about it all. He believes that Dr. Midgley has a pretty good theory, however his personal theory is that we won't ever know what caused it and we won't ever know why. However, to be safe, he ordered an MRAngiogram thing (like an MRI, but different) to make sure I don't have any more blood clots circulating around my body. His big question is, if I did have a clot in my colon, where did the clot come from and where did it go? So we are working to see if we can find answers to those questions.

His prescription for me is to continue taking an asprin a day, as Dr. Midgley is having me do and to be sure I eat healthy foods and stay as healthy as I can, pretty much for as long as long as I shall live. New motivation to be healthy!

I will do the MRI this week, see Dr. Midgley again next week, and then the following week I meet again with the GI doctor (well, his PA).

That is the update I have for you all today. Not much else to say.

Update #1

Hola!

I received my colonoscopy reports yesterday, and they said I had something called ischemic colitis. After doing some research, we found that that is a problem that old and fat people have, not young and healthy girls. So I called to make a follow-up appointment with the GI doctor for Friday, but also called to make a family doctor appointment.

I met with the family doctor (Dr. Melinda Midgley, who is AWESOME) this morning to see if we could start to find what is going on. You guys, this doctor is awesome. She served a mission in New Zealand, so she is all for helping me get back to the mission. She is located at the new hospital in Lehi, and it was day 2 of the practice being open, so everything was new and running for the first time. And I was the only patient there at the time, so it was nice and open. Dr. Midgley was able to spend 2 hours with me discussing everything. Tender mercies left and right. We talked about my whole past and my whole current medical history.

Here is what she said: I have headaches every day. I have never considered them migraines, but she said they are medically defined as migraines because of the symptoms. Who knew?! I have heart aches at times, which I have considered as anxiety things. I also found out that I have that ischemic colitis because of the birth control that I am on (or was on). The BC Pill I was on is a progesterone and estrogen pill and estrogen is a blood clotter. Here is her theory: I had what is called the perfect storm. She believes I had the flu or some stomach bug, and with the birth control and other medications I am on and a few other things just  all worked together to cause this. What she said actually happened is I had a stroke in my colon. (I'll say my prayers of gratitude that it wasn't a clot in my heart or head -- which she said is very possible if I don't get this under control.)

So, here is the final verdict: She believes I have a genetic blood clotting disorder where my blood clots too much. The current main problem with this is that I am on a medication that clots my blood.
Here is what is being done: I was switched to a different birth control pill, one that is progesterone only (called the "minipill"). I am also going to do a blood test called a hypercoaguable workup to give a definite confirmation on if this is the case.

Future implications: I will be home for at least 2 months, hopefully not more than that. And for way down the road, if this is a blood clotting disorder, then I will need to be careful when I am at the point in my life where I want to have children, because if it is this disorder and I don't get any help or anything I could miscarry babies that I want. So I am so glad that we are figuring this out right now! The Lord's hand is in absolutely everything.

Thank you all for your support and prayers. I feel them all coming my way. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you all!

Con Amor,
Taylor

Taylor was sent home yesterday from her mission due to her health. I want everyone to know how proud I am of my daughter. She is so amazing. There is no such thing as failure: only opportunities for growth.

I like these 2 articles that my dad sent me and wanted to share it with everyone.

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865591983/LDS-missionaries-developing-strategies-to-cope-with-stress.html?pg=all

http://ldsliving.com/story/63954-when-a-missionary-returns-early

I love you Taylor!

Mom

A Blip in the Road

Hola mi amigos,

This is Taylor here. I have been having some medical problems, as it seems my mom has kept you all at least kind of updated on. I was sent home yesterday (Friday June 12) and I am working on getting it all worked out so I can go back into the field as soon as I possibly can! I just have to figure out what is going on, and then the doctor gives me the okay, and depending on my Spanish, I either go back to the MTC or I go to the mission field. Please keep me and the doctors that work with me in your prayers so we can figure this is out quickly and without too many problems.
Thank you all for your loving support. It has really helped this past month.
I will keep you updated on what is going on and how quickly I can get back to the mission.
I love you all!

(Hermana) Taylor Gregory

P.S. If you would like to contact me while I am home, I no longer have that same phone number that I had before I left the mission, so Facebook will be the best way to get in contact with me :)

Hongelonglongo!

Hola!

Wow! What a week! This has been probably the most up and down week of my whole entire life.

We learned a new language from one of the elders in my district, Elder Jenks. It is called the -ong language. You put "ong" after all syllables and say each vowel as the vowel. It is so funny. And he is so good and so fast at it! It sounds like a real life language. It is so funny :) So hongelonglongo means "hello" :)

I only have 12 days left until I ship out to Washington! How bizarre is that? 

So, my week.

Friday was insane. I thought I was dying, my stomach hurt so bad. My doctor sent me straight to the ER thinking I had appendicitis. Being out of the MTC into the real world was crazy! I saw people smoking and swearing and there was a TV on. What?! It was awesome. There was a cute 14 year old girl who was also there for appendicitis, so she and I chatted in the waiting room. It was darling. They called me back and asked if I was in pain, which I was and I told them if they had something I wouldn't be opposed to it, thinking I would get tylenol or ibuprofen. Wow. Nope. They gave me morphine. What a strong drug that is! Well, I did a CT scan, and nothing showed up with my appendix. I was a complete wreck coming off of that morphine, my poor companions had to deal with a lot. They were so kind (mostly) but they got so frustrated. At the end of the night we all just wanted to kill each other and it took us a few days to recover. But I am happy to say we are even closer now. Saturday was bad, I just felt very depressed the whole day, but it was fine. I didn't do much. Sunday was Fast Sunday and that was incredible! They pile Fast Sunday with incredible meetings and wonderful talks and everything. We said goodbye to a couple of missionaries in the other district in our zone that night (Hermana Von Kampen included). That was so sad. And we said goodbye to the rest of the district Monday night. Wow. So many goodbyes, and ours will be in just 12 short days! It was like saying goodbye to family all over again. We will see how it is saying goodbye to my own district. I feel we have grown very close and have literally become family. We all know each other very personally and are all so willing to help one another. I love it! Monday I woke up at 4:00am just SO SICK. I was so so so sick and really thought it was the end of my life. I had a raging fever and was sweating profusely and was just flat out dying. The doctor did a white blood cell count and my count sky rocketed and so he sent me back to the hospital for another CT scan. They said my appendix is still fine, but my colon was looking weird. SoTuesday, I got to drink a whole bottle of the lovely thing called Miralax. GROSS! I did not know it was possible to have liquid clear poop (sorry, TMI, but it is true). Yesterday I had a colonoscopy and before I did that they weighed me, and from Saturday (the last time I was weighed) to then, I lost 8 whole pounds. Wow. I was so sick and so weak and really just felt like crap. But they did the colonoscopy and said that my colon was pretty inflamed and they did a biopsy. I should hear back next week to see if anything was wrong. We also got a new district yesterday. 6 elders, no hermanas! They are all (except for one) fresh out of high school, like graduated last week. Little babies! They looked so freaked out and panicked during our zone welcome meeting, poor guys. I remember that day so vividly. 

Here is what I learned this week: you need to be positive. You need to look for the Lord's hand in all things and focus on the tender mercies, blessings, and purposes in all things. Joke, relax, have fun. Love the Gospel. Pray sincerely. Cherish the scriptures. There is so much good in the world! Just look for it! That is the biggest thing I learned.

Crazy story! Yesterday, during my colonoscopy, the nurse.assistant that was helping me and assisting the doctor served his mission in Micronesia, specifically Pohnpei (sp?). He knows my whole family! He was there when my grandpa and mom and aunts and uncles were all there. So before the procedure, we just chatted about my mom and all of my aunts and uncles. How fun?! I also met many people from Lehi in the hospital. That was a fun Lehi reunion. 

I have a few challenges for you all: try to stay positive. Be okay with saying that something is hard or it sucks or whatever, but try to stay positive. Look for the Lord's hand in everything because he is there with you ALWAYS. I promise. 

Oh how I love and miss you all. You are all so amazing and such incredible influences in my life! 

Talk to you next week!

Hermana Gregory

What a small world. It was Sean Weight that Taylor talked with! Those were good times. We had the missionaries over all the time. I loved  celebrating Thanksgiving with everyone. When we lived in Palau we would play Risk with the missionaries. Good times! 

Thank you for all the prayers. Taylor is a trouper and is going through a lot of growth as she is being challenged in many ways. I am so proud of her!

Traci

Fast and Pray

Taylor has been having some health problems as well as anxiety. I was hoping we can all include her in our fasting and prayers on this Fast Sunday. 

Thank you
Traci

Hermana Gregory :)