Mission and Doctor Update

Hey everyone,

I first wanted to get on here and say thank you. You all have been so helpful in this process and part of my life. I am so grateful for all that you have done. Thank you for your support, both with physical items or with emotional/spiritual support. Thank you for your guidance. Thank you for your words of wisdom. Thank you for your friendship.

I want to give you an update. I have been talking extensively with doctors since I have been home. They still have not figured out exactly what is wrong. I've done a few more tests, and have a few more tests yet to do. What they have decided is that I do not have a blood disorder, my organs are not being suffocated, and I do not have celiac disease. They are unsure if there is anything to find, but they are curious. We know what happened, we just want to know why and how to prevent it from happening again. Included in my discussions with doctors, we have talked about the option for me to go back on a mission. I am being encouraged to stay home, at least for the time being. The doctors are worried that if I go back, I will be right back home again. Whether it be for my anxiety or for my health, they think if I go back, my health won't be great again. I have been receiving emails from a friend on her mission, and she was telling her email list about her companion who was just recently sent home as well. As I have been reading these emails, I have realized that if I am not in my best health, both physically and mentally, I will be slowing the work and not being at my best ability to help and serve others. I would be making it hard on my companions and on my mission president and on all the ward members, investigators, and anyone else. I have prayed so so so hard about all of this and just feel that right now is not the right time for me to go back. Maybe I will go back in a year. Or maybe I'll get married. Who knows? All I know is that I am relying on the Lord and letting him direct my path. I will be re-entering school in January and am currently looking for jobs and once I have a job I will look for an apartment.

This has been an incredibly hard decision for me to make, and to be totally honest, I am still struggling with it. It is hard to make the decision to go on a mission, to prepare for that mission, be a missionary, then just come right back home to normal life and hope you find your way. It really is hard. And I wish I could be a missionary still and I struggle with the idea that I might not be again. But what I realized is that I can be a missionary everyday no matter where I am. And that is what I will do.

Thank you all for your donations and gifts and for all of your support. I am eternally grateful for you. I am so grateful for that month that I had to be a missionary, and I am grateful that I have a chance to grow and develop some more. I know the Lord has a plan and I know he will direct us in whichever way we are to go. I know the Lord's hand is in my life right now and I know that He loves me so much.

Thank you again everyone, I cannot say that enough.

With all of my love,
Taylor